


More Than the Flames of Me

by hellhoundtheory



Series: Leaves of Grass [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2122824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellhoundtheory/pseuds/hellhoundtheory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce takes a crack at it. With a little help from a fellow meddler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than the Flames of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass  
> This takes place the Monday following the events of the lover’s portrait/makes me think of manly love  
> I also tried to bring this one back to the humor side of things though it's still kind of serious for whatever reason.

Bruce considers himself a patient man. While his students of yore had called him ‘The Hulk’ because of his explosive temper, he had made an effort to change, and he hadn’t yelled at a student, really yelled, since the last school year. In fact, his last episode hadn’t even been about a rude or uncaring student, but Tony. 

The details of the fight were something better forgotten, but it would suffice to say that students all the way in the business wing could hear exactly what Tony had done and why Bruce would not tolerate it. 

Stark never did bother him again.

He’s close to the edge again, though, and this is why he usually taught anatomy just before the AP test, not just because his students would forget it, but because they simply don’t care at that point. In short, he had forgotten just how immature his students were at this point in the year.

And since the damn _point_ of him teaching this section so early is making Steve and Bucky realize that they’re painfully in love, Bruce has to up his game when explaining the ‘sperm training ground’ of the epididymis doesn’t cut it except to make Bucky snigger at the analogy. That’s when one of his students—the kind of student that really shouldn’t be taking AP Biology—asks a question that nearly pushes him over that edge.

“You know how you said once that the point of life is reproduction?”

Bruce sighs into his palm and hopes that a scientific fact—yes, really, life exists to make more life, that’s the point—isn’t about to be made into a political statement. “Yes. That is, biologically, the only point of ‘life,’ though that doesn’t change—”

He hates when students interrupt him, “So, you’re saying that gay people—”

“If you finish that sentence you’re going to the office. Sentience has drastically changed what people think is the ‘point of life.’ And since I’m currently questioning whether you should _ever_ reproduce, maybe you should take your opinions elsewhere if you don’t want to learn.”

The kid is quiet for the rest of the class. Bruce sighs, _At least I didn’t hulk out._

Weary, the teacher flips to the next slide on the powerpoint, one that he had added just that Friday. 

“So I’m trying out a new teaching technique. Maybe you’ll remember everything else better if it’s accompanied by ‘fun facts.’” Bruce winces at the first one and he feels every other man in the room shift uncomfortably.

“Well, you can, in fact, break your penis. It’s possible. You know how blood flows into the penis while erect? If one of the membranes surrounding the penile chamber breaks from being bent, there can be lasting damage accompanied by agonizing pain.”

~  
Everyone in the room felt uncomfortable when their classmate was called out for almost being a homophobic asshole. Bucky kept an eye on Steve the entire time, knowing that if it went too far Steve would be the first to jump in, ready to right all wrongs.

Dr. Banner shuts it down before Steve’s hackles quite get up, and Bucky lets out a breath.

Following that discomfort with a fact about penile fracture made everyone in the room forget the interaction, especially once the new health teacher, Miss Darcy, tries to get in on the party.

“Are we playing the penis game?” She asks, poking her head into the room full of confused students.

“No,” Dr. Banner corrects, “However we are learning some fun facts.”

“I’d win the penis game anyways.” She looks at the slide explaining in excruciating detail exactly how the membrane breaks and what it can do to the penis in the long term if not treated immediately, “But you have some odd definition of ‘fun.’”

Their teacher nearly pouts at the insinuation that his disgusting biology facts aren’t enjoyable, “Then what do you suggest?”

“Well, PSA, smoking can shrink your dick up to a centimeter. You know, because tobacco and blood flow and all that jazz.” Banner gives her an unimpressed look, and she holds up a hand, “But I do have some fun facts.”

Swinging her arm, she puts down her coffee cup with a splish-splosh and crosses to the front of the room. 

“You know how you’re made of muscles and stuff? Which is why you need to exercise them and get that actin-myosin reaction going with dynein walkers and all that stuff? Guess what? Your penis needs exercise too!”

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to do penis-ups, well, you do. Blood flow to the genitals keeps the penis healthy. So, keep doing all that teenage-boy stuff. It means you won’t be using Viagara so quickly.”

Banner rolls his eyes and flips to his next slide. It’s about foreskin, of course, accompanied by a picture that none of them really needed to see.

“Puh-lease,” Miss Darcy taunts, “What about grow-ers and show-ers?”

Bucky puts his head in his hands and tries to think about all the chemistry he could be doing if he had taken AP Chem instead of blindly following Steve into AP Bio. Or, better yet, all the English he could be doing if he had skipped a science and taken Stark’s creative writing class. 

_The things I do for you, Steve._

~  
“That has nothing to do with AP Biology.”

“Because they’re going to be asked about foreskin on the test?”

Banner’s eyes move from his—admittedly useless—fun fact to the clock and Steve follows his teacher’s gaze, to see that there are only two minutes left to the class. His teacher shrugs and motions for his coworker to go on as he passes out the homework.

Steve scribbles something in his notes about the cowper’s glands, which prepare the urethra for semen by neutralizing the acid left over from urine. He locates them on the homework chart, inferior to the prostate and anterior to the anus, because he knew that was one thing he’d forget before he got home. 

Miss Darcy explains the phenomena she found so fascinating, “So there are two categories, show-ers, which are generally large while flaccid and don’t grow much from blood flow when erect, and grow-ers, which are a little smaller when flaccid but expand and lengthen when erect. Think Michelangelo’s ‘David,’ for grow-ers and, oh, I don’t know for show-ers. Steve, you know about art, right?”

“Uh, I never took art history, I just draw. Not exactly an expert.” 

Steve was not going to mention that he thought Bucky was definitely in the show-er category, even if what he had drawn of it was now erased and gone, the image was burned into his retinas.

“Come on, you’re a sketch artist right? All those classical figure drawings. Who do you recommend for grow-ers?” She had already pulled up a picture of Michaelangelo’s statue of David. Stark had made one of his projectors for Banner’s room as well, mostly because the AP Bio curriculum changed and Banner had to update his slides anyways.

Steve couldn’t really tamp down the information, “Actually, what he sculpted probably wouldn’t be accurate because Greek art considered a smaller penis to represent intellectuality, and considered large—uh—penises to be funny. Humorous. They thought it would ruin their art.” The back of his neck was burning red and everyone in the class was looking at him.

“I thought you didn’t take art history,” Banner chuckled, not admonishing him for contributing to the health teacher’s fun fact rampage.

“Got a book on Michaelangelo for Christmas,” Steve shrugged, “And Roman art is generally more accurate. For the other one, Miss Darcy.” He didn’t mention that the Roman art was part of his own research. She doesn’t get a chance to look it up because the bell rings and they are blessedly released to go to lunch. 

Bucky catches Steve outside after class, even though Steve had tried his best to run as fast as possible—with the excuse that he really did want to get to the lunch line before it got crowded. His friend kept pace with him as he rushed down to the cafeteria.

“So, you know a lot about that stuff, huh?”

He flushes a deep red, “Don’t make fun of me, Buck. It’s just art.”

Steve can’t help but catch the movement of Bucky licking his lips before his friend is asking, “Which are you?”

“What?” Steve nearly jumps out of his skin and his feet falter on the stairs before he rights himself. 

Bucky gives his trademark shrug, and that damn pink tongue reaches out again, followed by a flash of white teeth biting down on his lower lip. Something in Steve’s stomach jumps to his chest and he has to look away, “Just curious. You got to draw me. I mean. Fair’s fair, right?”

“Uh. I can’t…” 

And all the curiosity and whimsy that lit up those bright eyes drains out with the awkwardness of Steve’s indecision and Bucky saying, “Whatever, man,” as he heads towards his locker to grab his lunch.

Steve would rather be going with him, but having free lunch didn’t always mean there would be decent lunch left over if he didn’t hurry. When he gets to their usual table, Bucky is already there and pointedly filling out their homework for AP Bio. 

Sighing, Steve makes his way over, plopping down next to him with a groan, covering his face before leaning over and saying, “Grow.” _Beat._ “Er.”

He sees Bucky smirk and try to hide it by saying, “I’m sorry? What was that?”

“You fucking heard me, asshole.” Steve isn’t actually annoyed. He’s mostly just glad that Bucky’s back to smiling, even if it’s at his own expense.

“No need to be ashamed. Just means you can surprise girls.”

“Not exactly a priority, Buck.” 

“Girls?”

“People. Anything. Of that nature. I mean, we have two essays due within this week, I have to do three recordings for French, we’ll probably have a quiz in Banner’s, and I have to do my art every night. Plus trying to keep up with Calc… I really don’t have time.”

“You had time to hang out with me Saturday.” _I was doing art for AP, you were helping._ “You have time to do tech for the drama department.” _Only for a few months and it’s only so that I can paint sets._ “You do International Club.” _Because Dernier wanted me to join and it’s only forty-five minutes once a week._ “Why can’t you?”

“It’s not in the cards right now, okay?” _I only want one person. And he definitely doesn’t want me._

“Come on, I’ll set us up a date for Friday. I’ll find someone.” Bucky hadn’t done this since the end of last year for Junior Prom. Steve had thought he was done forcing the issue. They were seniors anyways, it’s not like dating was important.

“Bucky, no. I’ve got all of college and life ahead of me to ‘surprise’ people. Leave it.”

Bucky growls and munches on his tuna salad sandwich. Steve applies himself to his tater-tots. They talk about nothing for the rest of lunch, tension clouding the air between them.

~  
“You heard?” Pepper asks as she passes by Sam’s classroom, where he’s fiddling with CAD software on one of the computers. She knew it was his prep period, and she was glad when his room was blessedly empty.

“Yeah. Sounds like Darcy gave Bruce an assist.”

Pepper knocks her head against the door jamb, sighing, “The tea did work, to an extent. Bruce wouldn’t change his curriculum, but he said he wouldn’t specifically call on Steve or Bucky unless they weren’t participating. I thought it would be enough.”

“Well, you tried. I’m having no luck on Natasha or Jacques. Natasha has a heart of ice and apparently loves the movie she’s showing. Jacques’ family owns a damn vineyard in France, so bribing him is out.”

“Darcy has this movie she really wants to show,” Pepper slumps into one of the spinning chairs, lazily turning left and right, “Since she directed it for her thesis, she’s not backing down.”

Sam joins her in another of the chairs after the computer gives him the blue screen of death. They spin dolefully for a good minute before Sam breeches the silence, “If we can’t beat them… Maybe we should…”

“Don’t you dare say join them.”

“No. They’re crazy. But I googled Darcy’s movie. She is going to scar those boys so badly they won’t frigging _want_ each other.”

“That bad?”

“I’ve seen some pretty bad porn. But at least there was the redeeming aspect of sex. This doesn’t even have that.” Pepper screws up her face. She can’t even imagine that. She’s always been more of a romance novel gal herself, but she had seen enough bad porn that she didn’t want anyone to experience it in the middle of sex ed class. 

Defeat makes her slouch in the chair, “Well, neither of us have had them since freshman year, so I have no idea how to help.”

Sam shrugs, “Maybe just talk to them? Tell them that it’s okay? Barnes’ AP Psych class is scheduled to be in your computer lab tomorrow. I can manufacture an incident and get Clint out of his room and talk to Steve.”

“This sounds even worse than what they were doing. Maybe we should just leave it alone.” Pepper is done trying to stop her coworkers from mentally scarring these poor boys. If they didn’t get it by now, they sure as hell weren’t going to get it after Darcy was done with them. 

“We could get Fury to shut down Darcy’s film? At least then the poor kids won’t have to suffer through that.”

_Now, that’s an idea._

**Author's Note:**

> yeeee Bucky wants the d
> 
> I might do like two more of these? One for all the teacher's reactions to Be Not Too Rough With Me (plus Nat and Jacques POV in their attempts) and maybe one with some stucky goodness


End file.
